So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
