Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
