I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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