fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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