You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
