I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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