Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Shame - the story of my life.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
