I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
