You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
