No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
