So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
