i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
