dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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