Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Drunk walkin through police station. America
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
