i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
