she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
