Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize