she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize