I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
