So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
