Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
