We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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