So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
