she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
