sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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