One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
