A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
