Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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