im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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