I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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