I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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