She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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