There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
