Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
