and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
