Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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