Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
