I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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