no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
