Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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