Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
