I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
