i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize