I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
