I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
