cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
