The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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