I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
