im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
