so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
