hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
