You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
