is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
