So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
only you would photoshop your dick
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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