hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I party with great urgency now.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
