He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
