ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
