pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
