i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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