I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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