Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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