I feel great
I just peed on a car
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
