chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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