No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
