He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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