i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
