He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize