As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
