Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
