I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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