So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
