I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
