I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
