i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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