i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
