you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
