You were right. It hurts to walk today.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
