I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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