I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
