Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
