shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I need moral support for this bender
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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