At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
