Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
