I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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