do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
