I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
