1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
