we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
