I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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