he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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