I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
