It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
