Screwed.edu
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
