Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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