haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
