some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
