im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
