i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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