he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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