i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Randomize
