i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
