he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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