So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
