Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
