But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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