I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
