just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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