You smell like stripper and shame
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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