Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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