i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My balls are so social today.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
