I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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