you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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