textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
